Said with a Straight Face

Anonymous: "[Harvard and Yale] girls just have this really inflated view of themselves. You know, 99% of the women on Earth would sleep with us if we told them we went to Harvard and we'd protect them."

::Later after the Birmingham meet and right after the Nude 4x4::

Derek: "Yeah, I wasn't sure why those British starters kept false-starting on my race."

George: "It might've been because you bellowed 'Hum-Lae!' before each race."

Derek: "Hmm...true. If they had it their way they'd have pointed the gun at me and said, 'Nigga die!'"

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::The first night in Cambridge, UK::

Christian: "Derek, I remember you listed Kurt Vonnegut as your favorite author on facebook. You put, 'Kurt Vonnegut...so it goes', which was pretty good."

Derek: "Well, what did you expect me to do? I'm not going to be Julia Peterson and write, 'Kurt Vonnegut... :('"

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::Right after the HYOC banquet in Oxford::

Anonymous: "Guys, I have a confession to make: it's really hard to hook-up when I'm gay. [three second pause] HIGH! Hard to hook-up when I'm high!"

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::[Oxford Thrower] Steve returning from [Yale thrower] Erica Davis' room, disheveled. Note: Erica is about 6 inches taller than Steve::

Neville: "Yo, how was it?"

Steve: "I knew it was gonna be intense. But not that intense."

Neville: "Huh?"

Steve: "She threw me around the room and wouldn't let me go. I tried multiple times to turn on the light and sneak out but she grabbed me and pulled me back into the bed."

Neville: "Whoa shit!"

Steve: "Yeah, and then finally she just rolled over and went to sleep. I...I need to be alone for a while."

Thanks to Tim Galebach for chasing down Saretsky and dousing him in what remained of the champagne. Sean, sorry big guy, but you gotta learn how to shake up the bottle without blowing the load ten feet away from your target.

Another round of applause to Tim for writing "FUCK YALE" on the HYOC ledger. Years later when Tim becomes Czar of the Ukraine future track athletes will know how he felt about the Yale bros.

Here's a video of Sean Barrett ruining the OC teams (Notice that he's at least 150m ahead of everyone else.) Only a miracle could stop him now!

::Jeopardy in 10 years::

Now for 200 points: "This Canadian was macked on by a hot Oxford girl all night until she vanished from the club."

"Who is Grinstead. Thanks Alec. I'll take 'Guys who are now memorizing The Game' for 400, please."

Taming of the Shrew: Reasons to Love Christian

...27: Christian grinding on a 50 year old woman at The Stables--and his pants falling down below his knees.

...43: Christian's speech at the UL banquet. Highlights include calling Niem a pussy (and Saretsky's facial expression), referencing the constant rain and lack of sunlight in Ireland (few laughs from the Irish), and saying, "I wonder how many Yale girls I'm going to hook up with?" (Zero!)

...16: Christian and Neville's flip procedure.

...15: Christian and Tim's flip disaster ("Boys! Have some common sense!")

...94: Christian holding [Yale Pole Vaulter] Ashley's hands and telling her an 'authentic' story about how a chance encounter at Newbury Comics kindled his interest in Track and Field. Five uncomfortable minutes later and she stood and walked off.

...71: Christian telling Rosie, the Irish high jumper, to sit on his lap during a lift back to Dromroe; Rosie amending the offer and sitting in the middle front seat.

More Poetry

On Christian

A Mandarin grove o'er the ridge:
Do I dare taste an Asian fruit?

Response to 'On Christian'

The optic nerve with Plutarch sense
Tells them of malevolence,
Winds, wines, and clementines;
Just a bite tonight.